The good news for me was that God was always there.

When I was most in need, I suddenly realized. My contribution was that I wouldn’t close up but make myself as vulnerable as it got. Hurt to an extent that would allow either this or to become bitter. If you can choose let me tell you that staying perceptible was the thing to do.

Inside, I knew about a strength by that time I had never put in words. Intuition. So these were my means.

Overexertion on the outside did a lot for me during these weeks. Going beyond what my body found acceptable, a lot of emotions came up that I would have hided in another situation.

But in the end this was not the solution. Solution came during the moments of almost total calmness that pervaded the outbursts of desperation and anger. So always listen to the quiet.