The Symmetry of Things
How this is to be accomplished, I wondered for many years. Just let go.
While your brain repeats the same sentences again and again and your heart cries the same pains.
„Just let go“
I realised now, I can do it by giving the thing to angels, asking them to take it home and take care of it.
Now they say, if it doesn’t come back it is better for you. And every other day I don’t believe that. But just for a second now. My inner self knows, it is true.
The most popular and intimate way of being together is sex. And as a meaning of pleasure, we are sure to experience it.
But then, when you are at it, you will see that there is a moment where you detach from your partner and start being all by yourself. And you are not alone. But you are all one.
And when pleasure peaks, you are not shouting his name, but what you say is
„Oh my GOD“.
And this is where you are.
Gaining trust in GOD was hard work for me.
Overexertion, phyisical exhaustion and fatigue were the way there. I was like the butterfly I am watching now for several hours flying against the window of the wintergarden, again and again trying the same spot to escape.
Talking to it didn’t help. Trying to catch it to set it free didn’t help. Asking GOD to help didn’t help, you get the one reply, he won’t hear.
I couldn’t hear I could be helped for a very long time. And only overdoing work to an extend I could in fact not stand would lead me to that. Listening. Wait a moment. You don’t have to do something. You will get help.
I love when I am at a place, and suddenly, the silence is so deep that you pause for a moment. Surprised.
It happened at certain places, where you could expect it, in overwhelming nature and when you are mostly alone. But today it happened at the edge of a field, when walking by.
And pausing, you hear what the silence says „You are blessed“.
Nor do I think, mine is. But there are days when I can’t find the sense in it. Another day of work, another day l would not need to repeat. Nothing learned, nor made a new experience. Another lost day.
But a bunch of lost days don’t make a lost life. At least thats what I think, even though I am waiting for the sense of it all after very weary and exhausting years. Now that my head is above water, shouldn’t something extraordinary happen?
When I’m in that mood, I ask GOD, what I should do today, what approach I should take for this day? When I do what is told, life itself gives the sense of this day.
I know now, GOD wants the best for me.
I had to wait for a long time to get it. Instead of getting something I wanted, I got this sentence. Today. Like a sentence from heaven.
And it is more than words, today. Not only words, but a feeling.
I want your best, Annie, therefore you had to wait. You know now it made sense.
And I agree. And nod – and bow.
Bad news make you feel as if you are alone.
For a moment, all the people you know move into the background and there is a space where nothing is left.
This space opens up to real help. Not solace, nor sharing these bad news with others. But asking GOD, what this was for.
If your are lucky and stand the moment, this crisis might open up to a silence that tells you, everything is ok.
So what really bothers me is the missing love.
I keep thinking and thinking and thinking … about those people who I thought have seen me, but would not say a word.
About a father or mother that did not offer affection I realized.
And those people on the street I am friendly to, but who would not answer this.
It took me long to realize that it’s the missing love that bothers me. Today I see the news and all I can see is missing love. Today I turn around and know they are all busy with other things.
Years ago, I was sure, something was wrong with me.
At Christmas Eve, 12 holy nights begin.
Heaven is close and you will feel it, if you try.
A lot of people are alone during these days, but don’t bother, it won’t stay like this. Heaven is closely watching out for what you need. And if you don’t drown what they are saying with your own wishes, it’s easy for them to help.
So trust. And listen instead of feeling lonely.
Last year, at Fiumicino Airport, a young waiter made a declaration of love to me, totally unexpected.
The end of a very intense week, full of unexpected moments and impressions, filled to the brim with the beauty of Rome. And at the very end of this week, a young man had the courage to say what he felt to a total stranger. A middle-aged woman, nothing special, you would think.
It made me feel like floating above the ground and I wanted to say thank you again.
It reminded me deeply of our obligation to show kindness to other people, maybe more than they would expect us to show. For this is the one thing that really touches us, unexpected attention and kindness. We can’t give enough of it, the world being in turmoil like it is.
Die Symmetrie der Dinge 