My kingdom of heaven

My kingdom of heaven started, when I started listening instead of shouting.

My kingdom of heaven is a unique place, the place where GOD tells me what I should do. I am myself in touch with heaven. May other persons proclaim it’s only them.

Because I tried hard. And I became silent. And I started to listen instead of asking for things.

Things to happen, things I wanted, things that GOD should do for me. I started rambling about wishes, and what I wanted to do, and to have, while GOD started to show me what really nourishes me, and I had to admit after a while that GOD was right, not me.

my conversation with GOD

This was, what happended during meditation.

The days that passed since then let me know that. Not by thinking about it, but by repeating it over and over again. Over years, over decades. Repeating meditation was my greatest ambition.

There were times I would return to my hotel room from work at lunch break, just to have the opportunity to be alone for some minutes and try again. Silence of my thoughts. A relief.

Just think about what this would do for your day.

Six months before

Six months before, when I woke up, there seemed to be writing on the wall opposite my bed. There stood „everything is changing from now on“.

I wasn’t afraid. Maybe I should have been. I went to my knees, and everything I had, went. No self-control, no pulling together any more. Myself, flooded in tears I had spared the years before. Now shedding them whenever I was awake and don’t seem to be able to stop.

„Try meditation“, my sister said to me one day on the phone. She might have been tired consoling me and also was right in telling me I had to do something myself.

Become aware of the thoughts in your head. Watch these thoughts without judging. They are only shreds of energy. Let them pass like clouds in the sky.

I didn’t think that would have much effect, but I tried. This was a revelation.

It took three minutes to become happier than ever in my life.

What I really found was God

What I really found, walking, was God.

Unexpected, maybe. Maybe sought for.

In the end it was clear, where that inner voice was leading to. Guidance, protection, a real conversation. You just had to listen. That was, why it had to be only me.

Alone. Most people reject it. Mere convention tells us, this is something we don’t want. But honestly, is that true? Don’t we sometimes need help above everything, the people we know can provide? Aren’t we all looking for divine advice sometimes in our lives?

So why not be honest.

This was mine

Being asked, what I intended with walking 900 km through Italy, the only thing I could answer was: I am looking for self-esteem.

Walking, alone, without a further plan than what the next stop at the end of the day might be made me vulnerable and also left me sometimes in need of help.

These were my happiest insights. That help is almost always provided by complete strangers on the way, if you ask for it. You are just lacking trust to ask at home.

And above this. Everything else was a lack in loving myself – my injuries had nothing to do with others.