The Symmetry of Things
How this is to be accomplished, I wondered for many years. Just let go.
While your brain repeats the same sentences again and again and your heart cries the same pains.
„Just let go“
I realised now, I can do it by giving the thing to angels, asking them to take it home and take care of it.
Now they say, if it doesn’t come back it is better for you. And every other day I don’t believe that. But just for a second now. My inner self knows, it is true.
The most popular and intimate way of being together is sex. And as a meaning of pleasure, we are sure to experience it.
But then, when you are at it, you will see that there is a moment where you detach from your partner and start being all by yourself. And you are not alone. But you are all one.
And when pleasure peaks, you are not shouting his name, but what you say is
„Oh my GOD“.
And this is where you are.
I love when I am at a place, and suddenly, the silence is so deep that you pause for a moment. Surprised.
It happened at certain places, where you could expect it, in overwhelming nature and when you are mostly alone. But today it happened at the edge of a field, when walking by.
And pausing, you hear what the silence says „You are blessed“.
Nor do I think, mine is. But there are days when I can’t find the sense in it. Another day of work, another day l would not need to repeat. Nothing learned, nor made a new experience. Another lost day.
But a bunch of lost days don’t make a lost life. At least thats what I think, even though I am waiting for the sense of it all after very weary and exhausting years. Now that my head is above water, shouldn’t something extraordinary happen?
When I’m in that mood, I ask GOD, what I should do today, what approach I should take for this day? When I do what is told, life itself gives the sense of this day.
At Christmas Eve, 12 holy nights begin.
Heaven is close and you will feel it, if you try.
A lot of people are alone during these days, but don’t bother, it won’t stay like this. Heaven is closely watching out for what you need. And if you don’t drown what they are saying with your own wishes, it’s easy for them to help.
So trust. And listen instead of feeling lonely.
Last year, at Fiumicino Airport, a young waiter made a declaration of love to me, totally unexpected.
The end of a very intense week, full of unexpected moments and impressions, filled to the brim with the beauty of Rome. And at the very end of this week, a young man had the courage to say what he felt to a total stranger. A middle-aged woman, nothing special, you would think.
It made me feel like floating above the ground and I wanted to say thank you again.
It reminded me deeply of our obligation to show kindness to other people, maybe more than they would expect us to show. For this is the one thing that really touches us, unexpected attention and kindness. We can’t give enough of it, the world being in turmoil like it is.
It was and still is my pleasure to say, I have dear friends.
Friends that now stayed with me for twenty, thirty years. Friends that where there when my heart couldn’t stand any more. Friends that talked to me when I thought I was lonely because someone would not.
I am happy to have you, I want to say. But I am not doing this too often. The next generation teaches me to be careful and generous with words at the same time. More than once I was astonished how nicely they put their words together to make you feel warm and welcome.
When it was at me to express the same feelings, I had to overcome the feeling it would be wrong to give too much.
Not being wanted. Not wanting to be hurt or rejected? Of course these were the reasons. But when it is the other way around, I always regret people don’t find the courage to do so.
It wasn’t enough, GOD, that you said you would always be there. I missed people.
When it was worst and I thought about what I needed most, beauty came to my mind. So I travelled to Rome, where beauty is all around, and found exactly what I needed. Beauty in myself, sometimes even seen by others.
So these other people are there to show us sometimes what we can’t see anymore or won’t accept. Easier to see and accept when others do it. Just your way again to say „I am here“, to send them my way. Thank you.
When I saw that little child rocking to and fro and nobody there to comfort it, I was told she did that to comfort herself. Since then, when I see a movie and someone doing exactly this, it is always proved right. A person in a stressful situation, trying to comfort himself.
When I now see a person doing this, I try to be in charge. It doesn’t matter who and why it is. It is just a more beautiful world if we care.
The first Third was only to survive. You sure think, it will never end.
The second Third taught me to live. A longer way, more demanding, more promising than the first.
The third Third now should be for living. The decisions are all mine now.
This might be the main difference. That this first third did not ask me to decide. And did not grant the right. The second one was for errors also, which you cannot prevent when learning to live. My wish now would be that this third is free of errors. But be careful whenever this word appears. Wish.
Die Symmetrie der Dinge 